yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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