U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
