i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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