I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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