yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
