Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
