is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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