I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
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I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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