I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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