allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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