So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
