I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.