Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(912): View more from Georgia

I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.

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(847): View more from Illinois

3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.

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(208): View more from Idaho

you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack

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(419): View more from Ohio

I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes

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(314): View more from Missouri

i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes

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(323): View more from California

Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.

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(518): View more from New York

She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.

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