hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic