Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?