WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.