So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.