Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
