I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Let's paint friendship bongs
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
