Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
