8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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