i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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