fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
