Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
