why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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