I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
