so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
