I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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