quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
