this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
