So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
