Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
