Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
