there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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