Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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