I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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