So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
