new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
