Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
