Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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