the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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