My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
