I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
