You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
