They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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