Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
