Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
