R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
