i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
