I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
