i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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