This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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