sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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