God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
