Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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