so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
