you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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