What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
