I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
