Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
