before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
