mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
How does one acquire holy water?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
