I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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