Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
