??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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