i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
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I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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