GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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