It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
