it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
