Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
